Saturday, March 26, 2022

In Honor of #SAAM and #SAAPM Here Are #YAsurvivorBooks 16-30

 

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, otherwise known as #SAAM. April is also Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month, or #SAAPM for short. Sexual Assault is an epidemic, one that crosses all countries, continents, genders, ages, ethnicities, and does not care about how much money you have or don't have, or what class you are or aren't. Here are a few statistics:

  • 1 in 4 girls experience unwanted sexual assault, abuse, or rape before they turn 18.
  • 1 in 6 boys experience unwanted sexual assault, abuse, or rape before they turn 18.
  • Individuals who identify in the LGBTQIA categories experience even more unwanted sexual assault, abuse, or rape than those from heteronormative gender categories.
Survivors heal best in community. Books give survivors voice. Therefore, survivors need to find themselves represented by books that talk about their lived experiences and how to heal and recover from those lived experiences when they include trauma such as sexual assault.

I am also a survivor of sexual assault myself, and I needed books like these growing up, mostly because I had to find my way through the trauma to healing on my own. My family didn't know how to help, and I didn't trust counselors. Funny thing, I became one, and now I am helping other trauma survivors find their way out of the burning building of trauma and into the fresh air of healing and recovery.

To that end, I have created a curated list of #YAsurvivorBooks which I will share in increments of 15 books at a time. This list includes titles which discuss child abuse, incest, rape, human trafficking, and sexual assault. My goal for sharing this list is to help survivors and their loved ones find books that represent their lived experiences.

Please read, review, and share these books among your friends and family and loved ones, as it is very likely you know, or they know at least someone who could benefit from these books. Keep coming back each week for more titles and let's see how big this list grows.

In the USA, there are approximately 70 million survivors of sexual assault. In the UK, that number is just below 14 million survivors. Worldwide, that number is well over 100 million survivors. Will you help me change that number? Let's get it to go down, instead of climbing higher and higher.

List of #YAsurvivorBooks 16-30:

16. All the Rage, Courtney Summers


17. What We Saw, Aaron Hartzler


18. Stained, Cheryl Rainfield


19. The Mockingbirds, Daisy Whitney


20. Panic, Sharon M. Draper


21. Punch Like a Girl, Karen Krossing


22. I Hadn't Meant to Tell You This, Jacqueline Woodson


23. What Happens Next, Colleen Clayton


24. Because I Am Furniture, Thalia Chaltas


25. Where the Stars Still Shine, Trish Doller


26. Dime, E. R. Frank


27. Pointe, Brandy Colbert


28. Run the Game, Jason Myers


29. Bait, Alex Sanchez


30. Period.8, Chris Crutcher







Friday, March 25, 2022

In Honor of #SAAM and #SAAPM Here Are #YAsurvivorBooks 1-15


 

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, otherwise known as #SAAM. April is also Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month, or #SAAPM for short. Sexual Assault is an epidemic, one that crosses all countries, continents, genders, ages, ethnicities, and does not care about how much money you have or don't have, or what class you are or aren't. Here are a few statistics:

  • 1 in 4 girls experience unwanted sexual assault, abuse, or rape before they turn 18.
  • 1 in 6 boys experience unwanted sexual assault, abuse, or rape before they turn 18.
  • Individuals who identify in the LGBTQIA categories experience even more unwanted sexual assault, abuse, or rape than those from heteronormative gender categories.
Survivors heal best in community. Books give survivors voice. Therefore, survivors need to find themselves represented by books that talk about their lived experiences and how to heal and recover from those lived experiences when they include trauma such as sexual assault.

I am also a survivor of sexual assault myself, and I needed books like these growing up, mostly because I had to find my way through the trauma to healing on my own. My family didn't know how to help, and I didn't trust counselors. Funny thing, I became one, and now I am helping other trauma survivors find their way out of the burning building of trauma and into the fresh air of healing and recovery.

To that end, I have created a curated list of #YAsurvivorBooks which I will share in increments of 15 books at a time. This list includes titles which discuss child abuse, incest, rape, human trafficking, and sexual assault. My goal for sharing this list is to help survivors and their loved ones find books that represent their lived experiences.

Please read, review, and share these books among your friends and family and loved ones, as it is very likely you know, or they know at least someone who could benefit from these books. Keep coming back each week for more titles and let's see how big this list grows.

In the USA, there are approximately 70 million survivors of sexual assault. In the UK, that number is just below 14 million survivors. Worldwide, that number is well over 100 million survivors. Will you help me change that number? Let's get it to go down, instead of climbing higher and higher.

List of #YAsurvivorBooks 1-15:

1. Exit, Pursued by a Bear, E. K. Johnston


2. Speak, Laurie Halse Anderson


3. Tricks, Ellen Hopkins


4. The First Time She Drowned, Kerry Kletter


5. The Way I Used to Be, Amber Smith


6. Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock, Matthew Quick


7. This is Where the World Ends, Amy Zhang


8. Swagger, Carl Deuker


9. Scars, Cheryl Rainfield


10. The Packing House, G. Donald Cribbs


11. The Gospel of Winter, Brendan Kiely


12. Fault Line, C. Desir


13. Boy Toy, Barry Lyga


14. Faking Normal, Courtney C. Stevens


15. inexcusable, Chris Lynch








Monday, July 22, 2019

The Ticking Time Bomb of Unprocessed Trauma




By itself, trauma is devastating. Trauma originates outside of the victim who receives it, yet it is passed to the victim, who bears the aftermath and the consequences. This is unfair to say the least. Sometimes trauma occurs as the result of a natural disaster, or a as a direct result of war. Most often, however, trauma originates from an abuser, an individual whose bad decision(s) affect(s) the victim for the rest of her life (and sometimes his or their life).

The victim, who did not cause the trauma, but as a result of being in the recipient role of the trauma, must shoulder the burden of that trauma for the rest of her life (see parenthetical citation above for all pronoun references). This plays out in the daily aftermath of the trauma in intrusive memories, visceral flashbacks, obliterating nightmares, and surges of overwhelming emotions. Each occurrence shreds through the victim like a hail of bullets strafing their flesh and vital organs. Sensory overload is a common side effect. There are often accompanying physical and mental health symptoms as well, depending on the age of the victim as opposed to the age of the perpetrator. None of these are fair.

But wait, it gets even worse.

The abuser, whose decision to act on their own urge and perpetrate the abuse often gets away without consequence and can abuse again and again. Abusers often silence their victims, passing the blame to the victim as if they caused the trauma, and with shame as an alibi, the victim accepts this transaction without realizing in that moment (or perhaps in treatment or recovery much later) that the responsibility lies with the abuser, not the victim. This is a secondary layer of abuse, wrapped around the initial abuse that can grow into a quagmire of confusion, anguish, and deception that makes recovery from trauma incredibly complicated.

There’s even worse news.



Trauma attacks the victim. In her body, this presents as physical symptoms. In her mind, this also presents as mental health outcomes the victim would not otherwise have incurred. And, according to the seminal study of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) by Kaiser Permanente of more than 17,000 participants, exposure to ACEs have direct correlation to these physical health and mental health outcomes in the lives of trauma survivors. For more details and specific data on this topic, see www.acestoohigh.com or www.acesconnection.com. Both websites provide access to the 10 question ACEs study (what the victim survived) as well as the 14 question resilience study (how and why the victim survived) to better understand how ACEs impact the victim. Dr. Nadine Burke-Harris’s TedTalk is another incredible source of understanding for how ACEs affect victims of trauma (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95ovIJ3dsNk).




Now for the worst news of all: The Ticking Time Bomb.

The victim of trauma suffers greatly in the aftermath of abuse. It can last decades for the victim. An entire lifetime. But trauma doesn’t stop at the physical or mental health level. It actually goes down to the cellular level. According to The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (www.nicabm.com) , a pioneer of experts in the trauma treatment and recovery field, trauma that is unprocessed will actually attack the survivor in the DNA of their cells. Read that again.

In their Treating Trauma Master Series, NICABM details how unprocessed trauma attacks the victim in their DNA, resulting in the very physical health and mental health outcomes cited earlier. In addition, this can lead to a shorter lifespan, when untreated, and unchecked. Specifically, this occurs in the coating around DNA, the telomere (see below for further explanation). The reason this can be so devastating to trauma survivors, has to do with self-preservation. In order to survive trauma, a victim often responds with a fight, flight, freeze (there are two types: brain freeze and numbing), or fawn response.



The brain goes haywire. The frontal lobe goes offline. The left and right hemispheres can sever, requiring treatment and recovery work that reconnects the severed halves. Trauma can impact the nonverbal part of the mind, requiring nonverbal/nonlinguistic treatment to heal those particular aspects of trauma (see EMDR, tapping, art therapy, dramatic arts therapy, neurofeedback/biofeedback, music therapy, etc. for appropriate avenues to address these areas of recovery from trauma). The fight or flight response also has chemical responses in the brain: the amygdala floods with adrenaline, while the hippocampus floods with cortisol.

This essentially shuts down the memory system of the victim. The amygdala must be restarted by grounding tools (which use the senses to reboot this part of the long term memory system), and the hippocampus becomes flooded by the cortisol, causing searing bits of memory, disconnected from the timeline of an individual’s life history, rather than a seamless “video recording” of the trauma events. The hippocampus acts like the news reporter, collecting the who, what, where, when, why, and how of memories. When flooded, the hippocampus is unable to anchor such details to the long term memory system, causing the trauma memory to store in the body instead of the mind, until it is fully processed.

Our bodies are designed to heal themselves while we sleep. Approximately every seven years, the body replaces all 15 trillion or 75 trillion cells (depending on whether one measures by weight or volume) during the repair process. This occurs while we sleep. That is why 8 hours of sleep per night are so essential to the health and wellbeing of individuals. When that individual is a survivor of trauma, their sleep is often disrupted by a plethora of side effects such as insomnia, hyposomnia, sleep apnea, sleep paralysis, nightmares, and related symptoms. This further underscores how the aftermath negatively affects a survivor of trauma, and complicates her treatment, healing, and recovery. In fact, for most trauma survivors, just getting started in these processes is exponentially challenging, as victims of trauma often believe they do not deserve treatment, healing, or recovery.

During the process the body uses to heal itself, at the DNA level, the two strands of DNA unravel, create a copy of the cell, and ravel back together. The telomere, a coating on the outside of the strands of DNA, hold the two strands together, keeping them from breaking apart in the unraveling and raveling back together process. One can visualize the telomere like the hard-plastic cover at the end of a shoelace. Those caps keep the shoelace from unraveling. Similarly, the telomere coating the DNA hold the DNA strands together, keeping them healthy and alive. Trauma attacks the telomere. The direct affect of trauma attacking the telomere, is that they become shorter, and eventually, this can cause the DNA to break apart during the unraveling/raveling back together process. What occurs then is alarming: the cell where the DNA breaks apart gets sick and dies. This is the specific reason why the victim of trauma suffers both physical health and mental health symptoms. They are caused by the trauma attacking the telomere, and those cells where the physical health and mental health symptoms occur.

Trauma only attacks the body when it is unprocessed. Thus, the ticking time bomb of unprocessed trauma can be diffused. This is good news for the trauma survivor, but one which must lead to eventually facing and processing the trauma, the very thing the victim of trauma strives to avoid at all costs. Unbeknownst to the trauma survivor, until now, is the fact that avoiding the processing of trauma actually leads to further consequences for the victim.



Survivors of trauma have incredible levels of resilience. When life knocks the trauma survivor down, she gets back up. An adage states: “Fall down Seven Times, Get Up Eight.” This is true for trauma survivors. It is an adaptation. Similarly, suppressing the traumatic memory allows the victim to survive the trauma, at first. Initially, this is considered an adaptive response to trauma. Dissociation is one example. This can also lead a survivor of trauma to consider addiction as a viable option to stuff or avoid facing the traumatic memory. However, repeating this adaptive response to trauma over time actually becomes maladaptive. What initially helps the victim to survive, develops into a barrier that gets in the way of her treatment, recovery, and healing.

This is where mindfulness becomes a key factor to begin the healing and recovery process of treatment for a trauma survivor. By staying present to the surfacing traumatic memory, and dealing with it in the moment it occurs, the survivor learns to do the opposite of suppressing and avoiding the trauma. This causes that trauma memory to become processed. Once processed, it no longer attacks the telomere, and the victim of trauma can reduce the negative outcomes of a reduced lifespan, physical health, or mental health outcomes.



In his book, Waking the Tiger, Peter Levine details how somatic experiencing can support the processing of trauma memories. Examples include the tools of Felt Sense and Pendulation, two specific tools utilized in the healing and recovery of traumatic memory. For further details, please check out Heidi Hanson’s blog on Resiliency Building Skills to Practice for Trauma Recovery (http://www.new-synapse.com/aps/wordpress/?p=1825) as well as her blog on 13 Benefits of Pendulation (http://www.new-synapse.com/aps/wordpress/?p=542) and finally, her blog post on the use of Felt Sense (http://www.new-synapse.com/aps/wordpress/?p=63) which can be effectively used to treat depression, anxiety, and other related trauma symptoms.

Please note: Sensorymotor Psychotherapy has further application for the trauma survivor with Pat Ogden’s Window of Tolerance tool, available on the NICABM website in multiple formats.



In conclusion, trauma is a horrific experience for the survivor. Walking out the aftermath of symptoms and consequences the victim did not deserve in the first place is challenging enough. But left unprocessed and untreated, trauma attacks the survivor, delivering even more debilitating consequences. Once the survivor of trauma has reached a point of recovery where they are partially healed, and able to begin the difficult work of turning and facing the unprocessed trauma, she would be wise to act on that sooner than later, utilizing such tools as pendulation to process the trauma, and move it from its suppressed location in the body, to the long term memory, where it no longer plagues the survivor on a regular basis. It is there, she can attain a level of recovery where she has her life back, and she can function without daily intrusive thoughts, memories, and physical or mental health symptoms.

Healing is possible. Recovery is possible. Finding the right treatment for the trauma survivor is personal and best led by the trauma survivor herself. It’s time to diffuse the ticking time bomb of unprocessed trauma. You deserve healing and wholeness. You never deserved the consequences your abuser/perpetrator passed off on you, like the world’s worst version of hot potato. You deserve to be free of the consequences of trauma. It’s time to cut the wire.

Sunday, April 22, 2018

In the #MeToo and #MeTooRising Era, Why Speaking Out is Essential for Survivors of Sexual Assault


It seems there's always a news story covering the topic of sexual assault, rape, or rape culture. Crimes involving sexual assault are far too commonplace. Sexual assault happens in the workplace, on college campuses, in every industry from the Olympics to Hollywood, the music industry to the publishing industry, and, yes, among school aged children. As a country, we are appalled and horrified by the Sanduskys and the Nassars who prey on victims who initially trust them in positions of power above them, and later testify as survivors of sexual assault. And yet, these stories come and go, and sexual assault, rape, and child sexual abuse all continue to happen at an alarming rate.

Silence and shame largely empower the abuser to maintain their position of power over victims; thus, speaking out and handing shame back to the abuser are essential tasks survivors need to utilize early on in recovery in order to begin the healing process. Other key resources necessary for survivor recovery include: being heard and not blamed for being a survivor, having healthy boundaries, and gaining education about grooming and gaslighting among other key terms specific to survivors of sexual assault. I highly recommend a great, free resource on YouTube: subscribing to Trauma Recovery University for over 200 hours of free videos you can watch at your own pace and educate yourself on recovery as a sexual assault survivor:




Unfortunately, I know this all too well, because it happened to me, too. Which is one of the reasons I wrote my #OwnVoices young adult novel, The Packing House (read the first 3 chapters here), as a fictionalized version of my own survivor story, and am writing the sequel, Unpacking the Past, to complete the duology. It's why I have joined the Bristlecone Project, as a Male Survivor (see www.bristleconeproject.org). It's why I have joined the ranks of Survivor Knights, an organization that incorporates the arts as a pathway of recovery among the survivor community (see https://www.facebook.com/SurvivorKnights/).



It's also why I joined the project, Things We Haven't Said: Sexual Violence Survivors Speak Out, an anthology of 25 sexual assault survivors speaking out. I am also working on another survivor's anthology I've recently been invited to join, and will eventually develop a curriculum for survivors to use as a map to their own recovery. I myself have been walking out my recovery for the past 40 years, as my sexual assault occurred when I was four years old.

Clicking the link below the book cover above will take you to the Amazon Page. Click here to see my previous blog post on Things We Haven't Said being available, and the full list of sites from which you can purchase the anthology.

Here are a few highlights of the response so far regarding Things We Haven't Said:

Here's the link to our Kirkus Starred Review

Here's the link to an article featured on Publisher's Weekly

Here's the link to an interview featured on School Library Journal

Here's the link to an interview on Foreword Reviews

Here's the link to the 5 Star Review of TWHS on Foreword Reviews

Here's the YouTube link of our book panel presentation at The Strand Bookstore in NYC featuring our anthologist's editor: Erin Moulton, and fellow survivors: Barbara McClean, Maya Demri, myself, and Jane Cochrane. We had an amazing crowd and great questions.



Saturday, February 24, 2018

THINGS WE HAVEN'T SAID is now available!

If you've been following the publication journey of THINGS WE HAVEN'T SAID, an anthology of 25 survivors of Sexual Assault, you probably know this has been a long 2 years. However, the end has come: Things We Haven't Said has been published as of March 13, 2018 and will be available everywhere books are sold.

One thing especially important for books such as these, which may otherwise be missed by some readers, is to post your honest reviews as soon as possible on as many sites as possible. Your review may help other readers find books they might otherwise miss out on. Thank you very much for your support!

As you follow the links below, please note the website stores where reviews are lacking, and share your review there so other readers can find books you recommend they read. Again, thank you very much for this critical support.

Amazon especially promotes books with 50 or more reviews. Early word can help us reach more readers and help more survivors. Remember, proceeds are being donated to www.rainn.org and to the Voices and Faces project, at www.voicesandfaces.org



Here's a listing of those sites who currently list THINGS WE HAVEN'T SAID for pre-order:

1. Amazon:



2. Barnes & Noble:




3: Book Depository:




4: Books-A-Million:





5: Indiebound:



6: GoodReads:


Please note that the majority of the proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated to:


The contributors have donated their time, their talents, and their poems, stories, and essays to speak up and speak out on the issue of sexual assault. In light of the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements, survivors have stepped out and choose to remain no longer silent about sexual abuse, sexual trauma, rape, incest, and sexual assault. By remaining silent, power remains with the abuser. By speaking out, survivors regain their voice, and begin to heal. Each of us who have contributed, myself included, have experienced healing as a result of speaking out. It is our hope that readers will also find hope and healing from their own Sexual Violence experiences.

For many survivors, it's hard enough to face the truth that sexual assault has even occurred, let alone, speak up about it. Unfortunately, many are ill-equipped to handle such trauma and the very real aftermath from which survivors suffer daily across years and decades. Obviously, there is a huge need for such a resource as this one, detailing from fellow survivors themselves the ways we have learned to heal and move forward in our treatment and recovery. Many families, even those with the best of intentions to support and help survivors heal, have no idea what to say or how to even begin the healing process. Thus, a book like THINGS WE HAVEN'T SAID, provides such a resource for teens and adults to slowly process their experiences and co-journey with other survivors who have made progress toward healing on their recovery journey.

Please consider purchasing a copy for yourself, your loved one, your children, the people you love, and for your community crisis center, your local women's shelter, your local churches, and your local libraries. We appreciate each and every one of you, and welcome you to share the word so others know there is hope, there is a resource, and when you purchase this book, know that you are making a difference, and the majority of your purchase will be donated to www.RAINN.org and www.voicesandfaces.org


Thank you!







Friday, September 29, 2017

Book Review: THE LAST TO LET GO by Amber Smith

The Last to Let GoThe Last to Let Go by Amber Smith
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book is such a careful and articulate unraveling, by the time you are fully entangled within the pages, you won't mind tugging at the next page like a loose thread until you reach the end, a kind of letting go. Beautifully written, painful, powerful. A jagged, glittering trail of bruises and tears. Must read. Dani and Brooke are my favorite characters, followed closely by Caroline.

View all my reviews